Paramour Du Jour (star_69) wrote,
Paramour Du Jour

Well This Is How A Promise Breaks...

An open letter. Every time i see you and how unaffected you are my heart breaks. I want to believe its all a front, that i didnt turn you into this cold person you become when you see me. But everyone tells me how fine you are doing without me and how much fun you are having so i guess its just me that gets this treatment. I understand that what i did will take a lot of forgiving but i know deep down i dont deserve this. I absolutely hate the way you discuss our conversations with people and im left looking bad, just because i have the decency to keep quiet, or the way you pretend that your not doing it and then apologise to me when i call you on it in private, cause you know what you have done is wrong. I gave you space to go out and drink this problem away, but every time you promise to do the same, you turn up. I know it doesnt seem fair to tell you when to go out but i did it for you, to let you do what you needed to. I would love one night out without having to worry about you. It sounds harsh but its true. I find it difficult, even now to forget the (almost) two years we spent together, more for the friendship i lost than anything. And i hurts to look at you and see an empty space where your feelings for me were. I know i broke up with you, and i have no regrets on that front because im happy now, but i could never switch off from caring for you, no matter all the hurtful things you have said to me. Every time we speak, i still hang up the phone in tears, not because i regret things but because for a minute i get a glimpse of the old you but i know that every word of our chat will be relayed to someone else in a way that makes me look like i wont let you move on. I want you to, and i want you to be happy but you have hurt me much more than i have you, that i promise. I still remember you promising to always be my best friend... Unrealistic, i know. But still difficult to forget. This is the first, and last time i will publicly speak about this.
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