Paramour Du Jour (star_69) wrote,
Paramour Du Jour
star_69

That's What You Get When You Let Your Heart Win...

I'm fed up, and I need to vent this before I go completely insane.
Six months ago I made my choices and broke up with Dave.
And as we have all established, both of us are much better off without eachother.
So why, SIX MONTHS down the line, are things like this?
I knew there would be changes, but I never knew I would have to sacrifice my friends and my social life, and to tell the truth, it's getting me down, beyond all comprehension.

I feel like I lost my best friend to him.
I know she is just being a good friend to him and everything, but every time I think about going out, I just know what will happen, like it always does. And everytime I think about talking to her - and I REALLY need to talk to her - I worry because she has gotten so close to him and weather she wants to hear what I have to say.

I feel like i'm left standing in the corner, just because I have the audacity to have a new boyfriend.
Whilst Dave gives me daggers.
And spends the night talking to all the people I used to call my friends.

I know it's easy to say that I should just go out and see them regardless of him, but I end up feeling so left out, low, and lonely that I have stopped bothering.

I love these people and it cuts me up that no one can see i'm struggling.
I guess they assume I have better things to do than go to the pub because now i'm with Dan. And that's an easy assumption to make 'cause a lot of people go like that in a new relationship.
But really, what happens is, Thursdays roll around, and Danny begs me to go to Hertford because he can see how this is affecting me. So I say i'll go. Then at some point during the day I get so filled with dread at watching the same scene over again like I always do, that I don't go.

The funniest part? Dave changed our status on Facebook to 'used to date, but are still great friends'.
WHAT A JOKE!

It feels like we got divorced... I got the DVDs and Dave got the friends.
Just because I did the breaking up, doesn't mean that I don't need my friends as much as he does.

If anyone actually reads this I want to make the point that i'm not moaning at or about you, and I guess I understand why this has happened.
The longer it goes on, the more I feel like an outsider. So if i'm not out, please don't think it's because I don't want to see you, or I can't be bothered.
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