I'm unhappy. I have spent weeks... Months... Trying to work out why. But fuck work, fuck relationships, fuck parents, everything. It's cause i have lost you. And you know what? Thats worse than having my heart broken. No, it IS having my heart broken. You dont even know you are doing it. I have apologised over and over for this, hoping to make it better but really its up to you now. I miss my best friend, she was the most amazing person in the world.
Ok, so initially its my fault... I dont see you as much. But just because im not out on the piss too much now, doesnt erase the times and times i have asked if i could see you and you have been busy. Can you even remember the last time you rang me? Or the last text you sent that was not a bulk text to everyone? Thats just little stuff but it matters. Like the stuff you forget. Our conversations, things you said we should do, events we should go to. Its like our conversations are not worth remembering to you. You will dismiss it, saying you 'just forgot', but it hurts. You dont hear me when i say how unhappy i am, but you hone in when i mention that i need your help, and go on the defence. You act like its not your problem, and i guess its not, but all i need is you to respond to my efforts. Make me feel like you want me around. Like monday, i was not gonna go out, i went to see you though. You didnt show up. And tonight. You are going out, but you have ignored my text asking if you are. Is that the way it used to be? You walking in and greeting everyone but me? WHAT DID I DO? I miss you, i love you and i want to make things right. But you dont even think they are wrong. Anyone can see things are not good. But its not all my fault. Listen this time, please. I dont want to be just OK with you, i want GREAT. Like it used to be. X x x x x